Sunday, February 15, 2009,12:59 AM

My heart doesn't ache anymore, it's okay Nat, don't be afraid.

It was just a moment of impulsivity. I'm glad I've realised and gotten over it. There's that feeling of my heart sinking and squeezing itself out again, and the tears flowing out of my tired eyes. On top of that, my head is throbbing and I'm actually moving my head along with the throb.

Downed a few painkillers.

The past week I just wasn't myself. Thinking of trying to change for the better, making up for my wrongings. No that's just not me. I can't look at myself living like that, changing for others, believing in Karma and shit. Heck. I'm reverting back to my old self.

Daddy just told me to make more FRIENDS. Hell... I don't like to socialise. And I have a sharp tongue that shoots bullets into people's brains. I target stupid people and criticize them until everyone else has a bad impression of me, and Daddy knows this best, colleagues as well. No one likes this.

I've been so silly head over heels for someone, I feel like shooting myself. But even before the trigger is released, I can feel the pain. I was in a dilemma, but certain hints are showing and facts unfolding, I think I know which way to go now. The same way I always do when things go wrong: the easy way out, avoiding everything. That's always been my way, and it won't change, in a very long time..though I might regret..

Still chatting with Daddy, looking back at the times when we just started chatting, and why we did so. *Times Like These - Foo Fighters* Really like to thank See Ern and Gabriel now, cause this best friend wouldn't have been made if not for them. And Leo for making me suicidal then. And everything else after that lead to this. Ever since the recent incident, my mind's been going crazy. Fluctuations. Strong urges to do this, and sudden drawbacks. Which explains...

Nothing to look forward to anymore.

nat*Rockin